CelticAngel

desertdreaming @ 2005-03-13T21:11:00

2005-03-14T04:08:02Z

Ok this was the weirdst two dreams I have had lately. The fact that they were happening simultaneously was bad. They were lucid dreams, which was good because I kept forcing myself to wake up and back off then could plunge back in for some more.

Dream #1
I was staying at a house that was very old and moderately sized. It was on a huge plot of land, like 40 acres or more, with formal gardens and the whole bit. It was 2 storys, but kept growing. Very Rose Redish. Except it wasn't growing new wings and rooms, it was growing up from the earth. As it rose, windows would become apparent. It wasn't obvious that it was growing. It was like I'd walk around to the side of the house and there would be a row of windows, like those you see on split level houses, along the side. They were very grimy, so I bent down to wipe on of them clear. I could see dusty shapes in a long rectanglular room. It looked like a little classroom, with four old fashioned desks, like you'd see in a one room school house. The walls on the far side were lined with planting tables, like you'd see in a greenhouse. A little odd to be seeing in a basement, but there nonetheless.

At first as I walked towards the back of the house, I could only see the top row of panes in the windows, but as I neared the middle of the wall, there were two rows visible. The panes were the type that could be opened individually with little handles. I pushed against one and it flipped open. The air smelled dark; like freshly turned earth and mushrooms. That rotting wood smell. Not bad, not stale, just dark.

I continued down the side of the building and rounded the corner at the back. There was a sunken set of cement steps and an old door. There was a four paned window in the door and it was white, with flaking paint. I turned the rusted knob and entered the room. I didn't have a light with me, but it was dim enough from the light creeping in from the windows I could make out most of what was in the room.

At the other end, there was an extremely bright light aimed my direction. It diffused out in a cone, like a flashlight laid on the floor would do. I could see things moving across the light, but couldn't make out more than shadows. I was getting creeped out by now. I have an issue with basements. I walked down the right side of the room, trailing my hand along one of the planting trays. There were rat skeletons on the floor and they crunched under my feet. I kept seeing a shape float across the light, blocking it out for a second or two at a time. I didn't know what it was, just that it seemed like it was wearing a cloak and it was floating, not running.

There were probably six eight-foot tables lining each side of the room. When I reached the second table, I pulled back the tarp that was on it and was horrified to discover it covered a mummified body. I turned and ran back the way I had come, but the door I entered through was gone. The room ended in a dead end, but there was a new door to my left, so I ran through it.

I entered a study of some sort with walls lined with books. It would have fit perfectly in some mansion somewhere. It was a small room though maybe 6x8. In the middle of the floor there was a mattress that took up most of the space. The blankets and sheets were rumpled and bloodstained.

I passed through the room and entered the door directly across from me. I entered into an atrium with lots of plants and a wrought iron and glass topped table set with china for a breakfast. My land lord was there and told me what I needed was in the front of the house. I went out the back door and walked around to the front of the house.

The house had sprouted a bell tower. Somehow I got up on the roof and started prying the wood slats off the front of the tower. Inside were two more mummified bodies, that of my great grandparents hanging from nooses in their wedding clothes.

Um ok.

Dream #2

This dream was even better. It started at the house I was previously at, but it was early fall and the house was being used for a college dormitory. More of a sorority house actually. A girl was walking up toward the house carrying a blue suitscae in one hand and a doll in the other. She had to have been between 18-19. As I looked at her staring up at the house, I got a flash back of her past. She was a little on the slow side and had an attachment to her dolls. Everything was ok in her world as long as she had her doll. She was ready for college, but terrified of it at the same time. She has issues.

She walked inside and up the stairs. She finally got to her assigned room and entered it. She was sharing it with two stereotypical sorority bitches. All about the parties and the sex. The type that are nice to your face and make fun of you behind your back. The girl in her naivete believed they were her friends. They dressed her up and took her to a party at a frat house. While she was there she decided that she didn't like her dress, so she ripped off the sleeves and color and then one of the girls went off with her boytoy and she was left with the second girl. They ended up plotting the murder of the first girl and all these frat boys and the other girls in the dorm.

By the time they got home from their party, the cops were waiting and there were bodies all over the house.

I'm leaving a lot out of this one, but it's fading fast.

desertdreaming @ 2003-04-23T22:58:00

2003-04-24T05:58:34Z

I had another fun/odd/disturbing dream last night. I'm not sure how it started, but I was in Flagstaff and I had to get from a house in East Flag to work, at Woodland Village. Guess I was working for Farmers again. At any rate, I was furious when I went to leave the house and couldn't get my car door unlocked. Being so frustrated, I just gave up on using the key, which was in my hand, and decided to walk. I was wearing a tan mini-skirt and white blouse, walking in tan pumps and no pantyhose. Not a good combination when walking up and down the hills in Flagstaff. I was also pushing a toy stroller with a cabbage patch doll in it. I knew it was a cabbage patch kid, but everyone else thought it was real. At any rate, I was walking down Butler Ave, but it was teeming when homeless people and native americans who were all sick or handicapped. It had the feeling of a drum circle though, except for people lying on each other moaning because they were in pain. People were forcing things in my face. Red silk scarves and jackets. All the objects were red. At one point, I had to cross a sidewalk that had one of my co-workers, Gary, laying across it. However, Gary was about the size of a 2 year old, with stumpy arms and baby legs, but his full size head and current face. Reminded me of baby herman from Roger Rabbit. He was looking up my skirt, but I couldn't get around him. So I stepped on him as I passed. I started running down the street and finally got to the corner of Milton and Butler.

Instead of being 4 lanes wide, it was about 12. I had to get across it to get a bus, because I didn't want to walk to the rest of the way. I was cursing myself for having been so impatient with the car. So I pushed the stroller across the street and there were three bus stops within about a 10 foot area. I was so frustrated because I couldn't find the bus routes posted to see which bus I needed to take. Three buses had passed me and I was crying when this solid black school bus pulled up. The door opened and the driver asked me if I was getting on. I told him I needed to get to Woodland Village. He said he couldn't hear me and to get on the bus. So I shouted again, then walked onto the bus.

The bus was full of teenagers who all looked like they wre juvenile deliquents. But it turned out they were a band. I don't remember much more than that. Just that the bus driver was trying to hit on me and I was mad because I was late to work, but I was having to fight against that nameless presence that seems to stalk me throughout my dreams.

desertdreaming @ 2003-04-15T16:05:00

2003-04-15T23:06:27Z

I had a dream last night that was quite fantastical if not a little upsetting. I don't remember exactly how it started but I was in the woods near Flagstaff. It was myself, Serephina (from the Elenium and the Tamuli), Plaid, Tene, and a few others that were more shadow than anything.

There was a prophecy that said that I had to fight someone on a given day and one of us were destined to die, changing the fate of the survivor (duh) but not the world. It was all very vague. But I knew that the person I'd be fighting was someone that I loved, but hated at the same time. But at any rate, we were in these woods in Flagsatff, north of the city, by the peaks, but there was a lake there. There was a hunt going on for someone around us, and we were running from the hunters, though we were not the ones being hunted. We came to a clearing and James was there. He went to Serephina and asked for her blessing. I was furious and hurt and went to a cabin that had appeared on one side of the clearing. He told Serephina that he'd meet me at midnight and we would end it then. She agreed and came into the cabin. I made her tea and sat at her knees weeping for a few minutes, then began to prepare.

I pulled out a long sword, a dagger, and a pike. I had limited armor, a breast plate at most. We met at the clearing in a full moon, and I began to cry again as we began to fight. He was so angry, he came at me in a fury. We fought for what seemed like ages until I finally realized that it was better that I die, so I stopped fighting and ran myself onto his blade. He was shocked and held me close as I was dying, but then there was an earthquake and he ran to help Serephina who had fallen under a tree.

I woke up at that point. Don't really remember a whole lot from the dream other than a sense of loss and i was crying. I hate that.

desertdreaming @ 2003-01-04T13:26:00

2003-01-04T20:26:19Z

My dreams last night were the most fucked up series of events I've experienced lately. It started off with James and I climbing trees then winding up in a car accident. He was in the hospital because he was sick though, not because of the accident. Both of my legs were broken and I was in a wheelchair again. Then my parents came down. We were in my house and there were drawer-fulls of mice and I was freaking out because they were reproducing in my tupperware. I set traps for them, but only 3 and my brother was laughing at me telling me there was no way I was going to be able to kill all these mice with 3 traps. I was so frustrated. Then it was Christmas and my parents and I were on our way somewhere, but mom said we had to stop somewhere first. We pull up to this house and I could see a man and a woman dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus inside, but when I looked again, it was my parents. Then we went inside and my aunt and uncle were there with a few of my cousins and this little bitch that they were fostering in the dream. I don't know who this girl was but she was obnoxious and malicious. It was odd as we broke off into seperate rooms to open presents. I was wondering around the house trying to find anyone else and finally wound up laying down in the livingroom on a couch. But next thing I knew, there were like 4 people around me and laying behind and beside and on top of me. My aunt was sitting on the fireplace hearth holding a dildo and was trying to get me to use it. I ran away from the living room and into a room where my parents were having sex and I ran away from that and into a room where my brother and his wife were fucking. So again I ran. I ran out of the house and wound up back at the hospital. James was standing over me with an axe and said he was going to kill me because I tease and bother him so much and that he wasn't going to take it anymore. He started to swing the axe, but I woke up at that point.

desertdreaming @ 2002-12-08T12:49:00

2002-12-08T19:49:55Z

I awoke this morning being pulled from ritual. That was disturbing. Moreso it was disturbing because the ritual doesn't even exist! I dream tlast night that I was at a I.O.R.G. convention and we were going through the "White" ritual. Again I tell you this doesn't exist. It was almost time for the ritual to begin and Mrs. Magness told me to go get the Cardinal to perform the ritual because if her daughter was going to be initiated, then it was going to be by someone high standing. I rolled my eyes and was thinking about what a snob Sarah already is.

I walk into a ballroom full of girls in floor length formals, hoop skirts, hairpieces, and men in tuxedos, but also people in jeans and western style shirts. I myself was wearing my Grand Officers dress from when I was Grand American Flag Bearer. As I proceed through the room, I saw Ms. Magness twice. Both times she looked completely different. The first time she had short hair and the second time it was very long, but it was her, because I was confused as to a) how she could be here twice from different time periods and b) why she didn't go ask the Cardinal himself since she was there. I went up on the risers in the east and asked the Cardinal, though how I knew that's who he was is beyond me, to come perform the ritual. He was about 6/4, thin as a rail, and wearing blue jeans, a red checkered shirt, and boots. He followed me, but as we were wanding back to the room where this ritual was to take place he stopped and began telling a story to a group of 4 girls that were sitting on a bench. Something about the Goddess Diana I think?

I continue on towards the Ritual Room, and realize that I'm wandering through my high school. At any rate I come to the room and there were about a dozen people inside, most of them having had something to do with my time in Rainbow. Michele Hester, Mr. and Mrs. Magness, Sarah M., Desi, Nettie, Tessa and Shannon, the Livingstons, and Mrs. Tate, as well as a few others from various assemblies around the state. I remember asking Mr. Magness how he was doing, as I hadn't seen him in years, and he told me not well. He was working outside and had had a heart attack. That made me very sad.

The Cardinal finally appeared and we began the ritual. The thing is this was so not a Rainbow ritual. It began by casting a circle. I was being confused and upset though because it took 4 people to cast and everyone was moving counterclockwise but me, I was moving sunwise. They were all speaking in different languages as well. It was odd to see Michele there with a little silver dish of salt, sprinkling it about as she cast in some ancient language.

At any rate, we finished casting the circle and the Cardinal began the meat of the ritual. However about 5 minutes into it, I was pulled out by my brother who wanted to go get pizza in North Hollywood? I was so angry that he pulled me out but we drove off in search of a parking place by this underground pizza parlor. I somehow got into this underground warehouse full of furniture and was in the process of turning around when this group of guys started running after us. I pulled out of the warehouse and went across the railroad tracks, (at this point it looks like we're in downtown Flagstaff again, but there is an underground parking beneath the tracks on San Francisco and Rte. 66) and pulled into the parking garage, where everyone who was at the ritual is meandering.

The Cardinal pulled us aside and we went up to the park that's by the trainstation and started doing the ritual again, however at that point he pulled out what looked like a giant snowflake and the world went white, as in a snow storm. He touched it to my forehead,and then winter that surrounded us for that instant faded into spring, as I saw he held above me a lock of curly red hair, which he touched to Michele's forehead. That turned it into an oak leaf, and the world into fall. At that point I woke up.

I definitely do not get where this dream was coming from or why it is that I do dream of Rainbow so often. *sigh* Maybe it's just that I miss those days and have a lot of unresolved issues from that time in my life? I don't know, anyone care to take a gander at analyzing this?

desertdreaming @ 2002-11-23T13:17:00

2002-11-23T20:17:28Z

I had a dream that could have been something straight out of the Simpson's last night. With yours truly playing the role of Homer. Doh! Anyway for some reason the U.S. had gone into a state of war. With who I don't know. But everyone had bomb shelters beneath their homes. All the houses that did had hazardous waste symbols on the front door and signs that said something along the lines of "maximum occupancy 12: No outside cars welcome. Please keep driving."

So at any rate, we pulled into this neighborhood where everyone was already belowground and we were behind the houses and there were these pvc pipes that were about 4 feet high capped with rubber tops and pressure gauges. There was an announcement that there was a mistake and we aren't at war, so it was ok to come out from the shelters. Some general that was walking by and told me to start undoing those pressure caps when the pressure hit 200 psi and let them drain out. So I start letting the air out of a few of them, then he comes back and says that we are still in a state of war and to get the pressure on those tanks back up. So I seal them back up and then get yelled at by this other general for breaking the integrity of those seals.

So I wander off to the side of one of the buildings and was crying and being upset that I had potentially hurt these people and James wanders up completely shell shocked and I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he was going to be a father, that there was a girl in one of the houses that I let the air out of. This made me cry harder.

About this time this girl comes out carrying what looks like an East Indian version of Kermit the Frog with long black hair in pigtails about a foot long and purple fingernails. I was like this can't be your child, she's white, you're white, it's not. And he handed her to me and I immediately started crying, then she took her away.

Was very odd, but then again, all of my dreams are.

desertdreaming @ 2002-11-11T10:44:00

2002-11-11T17:45:15Z

Ugg bad reams last night. Dreams of war and violence and survival only to be awoken by a jet screaming overhead. Scared the crap out of me because they are never quite *that* loud and the fact that two helicopters followed within seconds after just made it worse. I'm going back to bed. Today is a day to sleep, not work.

desertdreaming @ 2002-10-30T15:07:00

2002-10-30T22:26:00Z

This is got to be one of the most fucked up dreams I've had yet. I'm not sure how it even started because it wasmore like 3 or 4 dreams that bled into each other.

I think the actual beginning point was that my mom gave me a cell phone because I was going on a trip to the fair. It wasn't the statefair, but something hosted by Rainbow. It was in Flagstaff, but a Flagstaff that wasn't Flagstaff. At any rate barbles, sexyxxxvixen, mysticchyna, brennaj and myself ended up at the NAU campus. We parked behind what would have been the location of Riley, but was built more like Morton. There were hundreds of people around and barb and devon kind of disappeared into the crowd for a while. Brenna and I ended up getting working on getting some stuff out of the car and 'chyna was worried about how she was going to get home. She had to get to Ohio that night. I told her I'd take her as it would only be a 2 hour drive.

So at last she and Brenna wandered off into the throng of people and I was talking to the guy who had parked next to us. He was moving into the dorm and had his hands full. The dorm was gated and a high rise outside. I remember helping him out geting the gate open and going in, but the dorm wasn't the new high rise that it looked like outside. Inside it was dark with a ton of winding narrow hallways, some were carpeted, some had institution green tile, and some had hardwood flooring. We wandered through the building and eventually ended up downstairs, in a restricted area. Opening heavy metal doors and sneaky past the security cameras. Somewhere along the way, I got seperated from the guy, but was still talking to him as if he were there. I wandered through endless corridors, being pursued by guards. I went down a ramp that neded at the foot of a stair case. The stair case reminded me of the narrow spiral stairs leading to the loft in theMethodist church on the corner, but it was sqare and there was a little old lady with a walker going up them. There was a banister in the middle separating the stairs, but the other half was blocked off so I couldn't pass her. I told her she was going the wrong way, that the staircase led up to the wine cellar on the second floor. She looked at me angrily, but she was weak too and afraid. I picked her up and carried her to the top of the stairs, which ended in an attic. The attack had rows and rows of bottled wine and a little window at the far end showed just enough moonlight to see by. Again there were no lights anywhere in the building. So I put her down and walked to the window. There was sliding panel in the wall next to it that I managed to trigger open and headed down another ramp. It went past windows that were about 4 feet long, and 2 feet high. Some of the rooms were empty. One of them had an iron lung in it, a child laying inside screaming to be let out. Another had a young boy going through shock treatments. Still others just were padded rooms with young adults about 14-20 years old sitting in corners crying. One per room. I must have passed by about thirty different rooms. Scenes of horror were in most of them.

Finally reached the top of the ramp and the smell of frankincense hit me like a wave. There was an altar set up surrounded by red votive candles. I passed it by quickly and went up another staircase into a regular corridor. pawnshop was waiting for me there. He wanted to introduce me to some friends. I walked beside him in a daze not sure what was happening, but relieved to have found him.

We entered the dormroom of the guy I had helped outside. Inside there was this gorgeous femme goth boi. The guy from outside was strong and looked like a prep. He immediately started hitting on me, but brushed him off, telling him he wasn't my style. James was looking at the women who had just appeared in the room and was feeling one of them up. So I went to the goth boi and looked at the other guy and said, sit and watch, and learn how a woman wants to be treated. I undressed him slowly, carressing his chest, suckling his nipples and kissing him softly, nibbling here and there. I pulled down his pants, and massaged and kissed his legs, licking his balls, lifting them with my tounge. Going down on him for the briefest blowjob I think I've ever given. The other guy at this point decides to join in, kissing the goth boi as I suckled on his nipples. I pulled back for a moment while the two men were making out and looked at the end of the couch, where there was a dorm fridge, and beside it was James, looking at me. I crawled over to him, still on my knees, and moved to kiss him, but he pushed me away and got up and left. I went out after him. But as he was walking across the parking lot, ex_deliveryboy and silverstar1203 were on either side of him. He was crying and just looked so hurt. Scott was furious with me and Karla was just looking a bit lost. I asked James, "what is it not ok for me to move on, but it's ok for you to feel up whomever you like? It's not like I fucked the guy." And he didn't say anything but just started crying a bit and turned away. I felt horrible and started crying and headed back to the car, where mysticchyna was waiting.

The problem was, I couldn't find the damn car. I knew it was there, that it hadn't been stolen, and I knew where I parked it, but it just wasn't there. I was walking around, trying to set my alarm off or something so I could see where it was. Finally after about and hour of looking (an hour dream time anyway) I found it, got in, and sat smoking a cigarrette. We got on the road for Ohio but I was getting frustrated because I kept losing the damn cell phone and was getting irritated with mysticchyna because she kept saying we weren't going to make it in time, but wouldn't tell me in time for what.

At that point the phone rang and I woke up. Still very weird though. I wish I could figure out why I dream about Morton Hall so often and why it is such a house of horrors when I do. I had some of the better years of my life there. And yes it was a mental asylum at one point, but never as bad as it was in my dreams.

desertdreaming @ 2002-10-12T12:21:00

2002-10-12T19:27:42Z

My dreams the last few nights haven't really been dreams as they have been barrages of images and words. I wish again that I could film my dreams. I woke up at one point this morning because the word "liveried" was floating in front of me and was so out of context with what I was dreaming. Lots of images of random acts of violence. A lot of screaming. But everything is set in such an odd context. Like the one that sticks out right now is me standing in a field of tall grass and wild irises screaming at someone across the other side, then without doing anything to them, but thinking that I want them to go away, they explode and the irises and grass are awash with blood, hot and coppery. I woke up after that one having bit my lip and tasting the blood. It disturbs me that I can't control my dreams right now but they in turn are controlling me. They leave me feeling more tired than when I went to sleep.

Oh my i think I may a little hidden aggression here . . .

2002-10-06T22:30:31Z

So I slept about 2 hours today. In the meantime, I had a crazy ass dream that I attacked sexyxxxvixen today. I was over at barbles and she wandered in then told me to take her to her uncle's house. By telling me what to do and not asking, I hit the roof. They walked outside and were headed down the sidewalk and I ran after her then tackled her and started pulling her around by her hair and scratching her face. I kind of realized what I was doing in the middle of doing it and started crying and apologizing to her. I was mortified. She was pissed. I got angry again then and started yelling at her that I was so angry with her because she was taking advantage of Barb and I and that she never asked us nicely for anything anymore, but just demanded it. And that I was mad she was sleeping around.

*Giggle* This was a terrible dream to have. I love sexyxxxvixen to death and while I get a little frustrated with her sometimes, I could never imagine pummelling her the way I did. She doesn't take advantage of us and she's always so polite when she does need something. I think I knew what prompted the dream, but hehe it was still bad. I just find it amusing now though. Got my aggression out for the morning though I guess *shrug*

desertdreaming @ 2002-09-14T16:58:00

2002-09-14T23:58:37Z

AAACCCKKK!!! Ok so last night I had a dream that Seth from work decided he was attracted me and I was falling for him. But he has a girlfriend right right? Wrong! In this dream she had died this horrible death and he was trying to get over it. I couldn't understand how I didn't know that his girlfriend has died. Was very werid. He has small lips and kisses sweetly. (At least in my dreams)

I'm highly amused by the fact that I'm dreaming of co-workers. I'm working the 10th day straight right now. I dream about taking calls and going off on customers. I suppose it's a good thing I'm dreaming about co-workers I rarely see? And that I'm not dreaming about James nearly as often now. :( I also dreamt last night of something really weird about my family. I don't remember exactly what it was about. Something like my dad was fixing the roof but I was sick and just wanted to sleep. But my bed was in a tree with gossomer curtains surrounding it and my parents wouldn't let me sleep and I was so mad because I was sick. There was puke on my clothes and they were in the washer and my dad was appalled I was naked. It was very weird.

desertdreaming @ 2002-09-14T03:13:00

2002-09-14T10:13:41Z

I've been meaning to write this up all day but kinda got sidetracked. The last few days I've had extremely intense dreams. Last night, I was a geisha. Was very odd. I was like this 16 year old boy that was dressing as a geisha girl. The makeup, the kimono, the whole 9 yards. I have no idea what the point was. I was escaping something, but I had to be a female to do it. Then it would change and I'd be a girl dressing as a guy dressing as a girl. And there were these elaborate ceremonies that I was going through and my enemy was in the crowd but I couldn't identify him exactly. Was a very weird dream. Not much of a point to it I guess. I just find it very weird that I'm dreaming about a subject I know little to nothing of and have even less of an interest in. *shrug*

The night before that was a very intense erotic dream with this woman in it. about my height, extremely thing, long hair. I don't remember too much about it though. She was my sub. I know that much because I had her bound and blindfolded. I remember her kisses most of all though. They were ravenously intense, but she tasted sweet. Like cherry blow pops.

I wonder if I'll ever a) figure out why I'm dreaming that I'm the opposite sex or having sex with women so often in my dreams and b) if these fantasies will ever happen. I know I'm bi and I dream about being with men as often as I do being with women. But I rarely have the opportunity for either anymore. *le sigh*

Yeah I think I just need to get laid.

desertdreaming @ 2002-07-07T20:22:00

2002-07-08T03:22:21Z

Ok my dream last night was just wierd. But then again, aren't they all? I was more than a little upset when I went to bed so I think that probably has something to do with it. At any rate, I was staying with a family that consisted of a boy about 9 years old, a girl about 14, another girl about 2 1/2, a mother, her husband and her sister, and a nanny. The Nanny had been with the family for so long that she was as much a part of the family as anyone else. The family was of a portuguese or spainish heritage and somewhat well off. The nanny was key though. It was Whoopi Goldberg with the soft lilt of a spanish/french accent that was almost cajun in some respects. I was very good friends with the mother of the children but today i can recall little about her other than that. I know we worked in the same place though. It was an office that was relocating into a huge house that was very run down. I got the feeling that not everything that was occuring in the office was legal. The family lived in a wing of their own taking up about 9 rooms on at least 3 floors. The children were only in parts of the dream. I remember something about a dance recital for them. The girls wearing modern dance clothes and the boys wearing black shorts with flames on them and leotard tops. I don't remember much about the dance, but rainbow, as usual, was tied in somehow. Anyway, back at the office, I was starting as a new analyst, but was also given so many different assignments under this manager that I was basically going crazy trying to keep them all together and get them done. I remember a lot of computers and printouts and old fax machines and everythign was so dark. I think that is what gave it the illegal feel to it. There were no lights anywhere and everyone was so furtive, speaking in hushed tones and whatnot. The workers were construction types that were building something new that was key to the business while they were refurbishing the house. I do remember though the youngest girl was sick and feverish and wouldn't go to sleep, so I laid down with her and rocked her until she slept, then I woke to go to the bathroom and the whole third floor was still without water and rotted out with rust stains on the tiles. The thing that frightened me most though was the precarious angle at which the whole third floor seemed to be leaning. I quickly departed, running into 2 of the workers as I did, Luke and Nick. Luke was somewhat taller and they were both a bit more muscular and wore construction outfits with hardhats. We quickly left the building because and got into my car and drove to a circle K where we ran into James. We left again, but somehow, we had ended up in the wrong car. Instead of my Xterra, we were in a white Dodge Durango. We went to Walgreens and I parked, and as we were walking away, the car decided to start up and roll into another vehicle as we chased it down, trying to get in to put the break on, only then realizing it wasn't my car as the gear shift was on the column and not in the center as it is in my car. We quickly drove it back to the Circle K, where the owners were frantically searching for it and having called the police, immediately sent them after me. I tried to explain what happened, but they pulled their guns, so we jumped into my Xterra and left on a high speed chase through the desert. My car got a flat, so we ran until we found another car. It was a camper/motorhome type deal and Nick, James, and Luke easily slid through the window to join the others, but the window was small and there was no way I could fit through it, so I ran along beside it until we ended up leaving the desert and going through a forest. The police were still chasing us through all of this, shooting at us, etc. Then we wound up at a huge bonfire int he middle of the forest where several of my friends were. Nancy, Joe, Locke, Plaid, Tene, and many people I didn't know. they were dancing and smoking and carousing and loving one another. For some reason I decided to repierce my tongue while I was out there. I used a 9 inch long, 1/4 inch thick tube that was more of an awl than a piercing needle and pushed all 9 inches through my tounge, ending with a little charm that looked like the Statue of David at the end. It was very odd to say the least.

Then we went back to the house. the children were there, my brother and sister in law were there, the mother, and the nanny. Now this is where it startedgetting weird. Whoopi Goldberg with a spanish accent is odd enough, but when she starts talking about events that happened hundreds of years ago in the house and about her husband and father beating her, though she wasn't married and her father had been dead for years, and screaming in french names that we did not know about being abused, it was freaking. Her fit lasted about 20 minutes or so, the children were frightened and my brother laughing. Then Mr. Neid, who died in 1995 but was the foreman in this dream, came over and took her by the hands and told her to calm down, it was time to leave this world. Then she shot herself. That was awful. The children screamed, my friend fainted, Mr. Neid disappeared, and I stood next to Nick, covered in blood and brains, listening to the screaming around me. At that point, an overwhelming sorrow overcame me and as I sank to my knees, Nick stood above me, but comforted me. Was very weird but nice at the same time. We went to the funeral and the children were very sad. Nick stayed with me the whole time and when I left him to go home, I cam into the house and picked up the youngest girl and just sat with her in my arms and cried. I woke up crying from the dream.

I am aware of where a lot of the stuff in the dream came from, but the appearance of Nick and the comfort he gave me was odd. Friendship comes from the least expected places sometimes.

desertdreaming @ 2002-06-24T14:58:00

2002-06-24T22:51:22Z

My gods the dreams I've been having the last few nights have been fucking intense. I love it. I was youngish and male as I so often tend to be in my dreams. I think about 14 or so. I was in a house similar to my house here, but it was a 4 bedroom instead of 2 and the backyard was a weedy just outside a closed in porch where we kept our bikes and a few other things. I was living with a woman who was a psychologist and a man who was in his mid to late 20's and absolutely psychotic. I avoided him and feared him. I don't remember exactly why, but we were both on parole and this doctor we lived with was our guardian. The man had a nice little trick he could do. He could turn invisible. He taught me how to do it as well. That was part of the reason I feared him. But I feared him more because he was a killer. He was handsome, about 6'2 dark brown hair, green eyes that flashed when he was getting violent, well built and muscular. But he had a look about him that was animalistic and unnatural. At one point he had killed a young woman and brought her home. The doc tried to confront him on this through the locked door to his room and he went into a beserker rage. He started clawing his way through the door and breaking everything in sight in the process. He killed and dismembered the doctor as soon as he broke through the door. He clawed her stomach, spilling her intestines to the ground. He raped her while he did it. The worst part was watching him start to eat her as he sliced her neck and deliberately sprayed her blood around the room as he gorged on her flesh. He didn't know I was there.

I ran in terror after seeing what he was doing. Out the backdoor, grabbing my bike, and hauling ass down the street. I ended up in a dark and sinister looking part of town. I guess it was some part of a ghetto. There were shady dealings going on in the corners and alleys. I rode past warehouses full of electronics until I came to an area filled with police. They were trying to arrest some men. I had become visible at some point during my ride. I went over to one of the policemen and tried to explain what had happened at home, but he grinned this malicious grin at me and said that he knew my "brother" and that all was well, not to worry. Then he tried to arrest me. I took off on my bike again, making myself and it invisible as I went. I wound up on a dirt trail behind the houses. It reminded me of a trail I used to ride in Flagstaff. There were children playing in a clubhouse like structure and riding through the "dippers" ( large ditches about 8 feet deep with bike trails and jumps that we used to ride in Flagstaff). There was a girl sitting in a tree with a lantern that told me I had to go to back. That I was needed. So I headed home. My car was parked down the street and the keys that I normally left in the back door were gone. That worried me. That's basically why I went back. Just to get my car and leave again. But he was there. He had taken my keys. He was trying to kill me. I ran again, but he caught me and knocked me out. I woke up in a hospital. There were government agents around and they helped me get dressed then took me to this "facility" where there were other people like me. People that could become invisible. I remember as I walked through the hallways that I was invisible, but people seemed to know I was there. The people seemed to look on me with a sense of awe. I was the subject of a demonstration that was going on about invisibility. But somehow, he was there. He wasn't even invisible, but he was there. That malicious grin watching me. I hugged against the man who was guiding me through the building and told him. Then panic broke out as he lunged at me, grabbing me with one hand, while breaking the neck of my guide and throwing him aside like a limp rag doll. I screamed in terror, but then he began to feed on me. He bit into my neck, ripping chunks of flesh out and started chewing. That was about when I woke up. Scared to say the least.

It was very intense and there were a lot more details that I'm leaving out just because it is so jumbled in my mind right now. Something about lasers and a blue aerosol spray used to paint the invisible form of him though was important, but I don't remember where it fits in. Something about the demonstration going on in the facility before he broke into his rage and killed me.

desertdreaming @ 2002-04-01T22:03:00

2002-04-02T05:03:40Z

Aack ok so I've been having this dream for the last few nights and it's driving me nuts. There is a certain amount of fear an annoyance as I'm having the dream and I'm not sure what to make of it. So here goes . . .

I'm driving down I-17 just south of Black Canyon City and we see these lights above us. They look like the chandeliers in a catholic church or an dried and empty sunflower blossom. Round, but with concentric circles of bright lights covering the bottoms. There are about 50 of these disks, each about 30-50 yards long. They raced ahead of us and into the city.

Next thing I knew I was in the middle of downtown Tempe surrounded by hordes of people. They were at Harkins Centerpoint and everyone was looking up in awe at this UFOs flying above us. I was trying to warn people to get inside and away from them, but no one would listen. They all had looks of pure rapture on their faces, as if they were seeing the lights of the gods. I ran inside, dragging a few people with me, Mary, Scott, James, Plaid, and Nancy. As soon as the doors shut behind us, a noxious gas sprayed down from the saucers coating the people below with a white flour like dust. They just stood there as this powder covered them. Then they began to choke. Their faces turning black as their airways were cut off by the thick powder. They were strangling and crying out, their eyes bleeding as the substance burned through their eyes when it came into contact with water. They were screaming and begging to be let in. The doorways of the theatres had decontamination showers installed in them, so we opened the doors showering off all those who could enter. But as soon as the stuff was off of them, they'd beg to return outside to look upon the lights again. We had to forcibly restrain them and forced them into elevators that were whisking them up to unknown floors of the building which had turned from the theatre to a sky scraper.

I walked out under the lights again and looked up defiantly. I was angry that they were doing this to innocents, but powerless to stop them.

I usually wake up as the ships start to open their doors, revealing an ink blackness and unknown horrors. Maybe tonight I will venture forth and see what awaits inside.

desertdreaming @ 2002-03-21T06:55:00

2002-03-21T14:33:06Z

I had a very disturbing dream last night. I was at home and in college again, but I was in a wheelchair again. Not paralyzed, but still in a wheelchair. I was going to a doctors appointment and I was stressing out because I had a huge report due for a class that I had been putting off for weeks. I think it was already late and I was working off an extension the instructor had given me. I show up at the doctor's office and they were running some very painful tests on my legs. My mom showed up and said it was time to go to physical therapy, so we were going through my PT's office building and into her office, but instead of it being Marlene, it was Julie. I told her I didn't have time to talk, but I really wanted to later.

I then went "home." This wasn't a house I'd been to before. It looked more like something out of 50s TV show. I was outside and painting the garage green. I knew I should have been working on my report, but for seem reason painting was more important. Julie came up to me and handed me a can of yellow paint and said let's talk. She said she knew that I was thinking about suicide again and that she knew how much this accident had effected me. She said that I had a lot of issues that needed to be worked out, but I see her too infrequently to help. She kept getting me to write out what was bothering me in paint. This garish yellow on the dark green I had just finished putting on the garage. I told her I didn't want to put the yellow paint on the green and that I didn't want anything so permanent available for public viewing. She told me to paint it out anyway then I could cover it later with the green. So I did start to paint out what was bothering me. In words. Not pictures. But the language I was painting in wasn't anything I had seen before. Was very odd. I think that was about when I woke up.

desertdreaming @ 2002-03-01T13:03:00

2002-03-01T20:02:22Z

Last night was the first time I remembered my dreams in a long time. The two I had this morning were extremely odd.

The first one . . .

I was a part of some either secret society or cult, I can't really determine which. But I was boy. I was about 6/1, thin, dark brown hair that was long on top, shaved in the bad, green eyes, and I had a thing for wearing black silk shirts. I knew that this group I was mixed up with was bad and was trying to get out of it. My mom, who looked more like the mom off of "Glory Days" with short red hair, had gotten wind of what I was involved with and decided that she needed to see first hand what I was up to. I begged her not to come with me, but she insisted. So off we went

We ended up going to this abandoned church. It was old gothic cathedral, the arches falling down, pews overturned, broken stain glass windows, dead leaves scattering the floor. The carpeting up the center isle still red, but worn with age and covered in places with a black slime. As we entered the church, I begged my mom again to just go home. This was something I needed to handle. She again refused. I just shook my head and walked up to the altar. The back side was empty and a staircase lead down from it. I crouched down and started going through. It lead down into a crypt area. There was a stream running through the middle of it. It was very dark and very wet. I could feeling things crawling around me. We were walking along the edge of the stream, when the ledge we were on widened. On the walls were markings, like a map of sorts. An oval with a horizontal line through the top third and an X on the right side, just below the line. There were other symbols as well, runes, and sigils, but they weren't important. It was the oval I was focused on. My mom went over to the wall and said "this is a map right? This is where we are?" I said yes, just a group of people came through the brick lined archway at the end of the ledge.

There were three people. A girl that was familiar but at the moment I can't place a name. I knew in my dream that she was my girlfriend and that she was being threatened by the leader because of my actions and was going to be hurt. Her eyes begged me not to do this. There was also another guy played by James who didn't really say much but was completely on the side of the leader and looked like he would try an kill me for defying the leader. And then the leader himself played by the Rock. (That just amuses the hell out of me). The came up the stairs behind the archway and stood across the ledge, the Rock in front, the other 2 slightly behind.

The Rock said "Halt ye! Who enters here?"
I say, "I am the mark. May we pass?"
The Rock said, "Follow me," and this green light shot out from his chest hitting me and my mom in the chest. The wall beside us opened up and we continued down the newly revealed passage. It opened up to the night. We were on the grounds of some estate. Very southern with huge Oaks covered in moss. It was cold and damp though. It was also extremely dark. We walked along a stream again, until it opened to a large pool of water. The pool was lined with brick red tiles. It wasn't a regular swimming pool though. It was very shallow and had ramps and rectangular paths wandering through it with entries to other levels further down.

The Rock walked out to the middle of the pool, walking on top of the water I might add, and turned to face us. We stood shoulder to shoulder along the shore. James walked forward and was hit again in the chest with the green light emanating from the Rock, then he turned into a giant squid like thing and slithered into the pool. My girlfriend was next, followed by my mother, and last by myself. As I slid into the water, it was inky black, but I could feel the others in front of me and followed the movement of their tentacles. The view kind of shifted at this point and I could see the squid things moving through the water. They looked like uncircumcised penises with tentacles. And they had square heads. Odd.

Anyway, we were going along the maze in the pool and eventually got to a wall, then the leader dove straight down and went into a hidden gap. We followed. It ended in a torch lit pool in the center of a cave. Again the pool was lined with red brick pool tiles. We saw to the shore and as we got into shallower water, we began to transform.

I was the last one out and the Rock was holding my girlfriend in one hand and my mother in the other, strangling both of them with his massive hands.

"You bear my Mark, yet you choose to betray me!" The Rock bellowed at me, crushing my mothers neck until her head popped off. At that point I woke up.

So on to dream 2. . . .

Dream 2 was just too weird to talk about. I know that I was at my parents and nothing was going right. It was a holiday, but we were eating sonic for some reason and I was stuck on a couch sandwiched between my mom and dad who were lecturing me on something to do with dvds. *shrug* All I know is that we started watching some movie and converted back into dream 1 for a while. Then I was trying to win a radio contest but my dad had given me the wrong answer to some question about Elvis Presley and I was pissed off so I went out side and decided I needed to take a leak and there was a toilet outside, but it was so cold and there water inside was completely frozen so I went back in. Scott, James, and some girl I don't know were all there. There was also this older guy, like in his 50s, very heavyset, with a video camera. He looked at the girl and said, well I know how much you like to suck cock when you're on acid, let's see how well you do it when you're sober. She stripped her clothes and started sucking his cock. I remember thinking that it was odd watching a guy suck another guy's dick, but then thinking that's a chick. She stops and pulls off his dick and looks around at James, Scott and I and asks which one of us is going to finger her. James offers to dive right in. I look over and he's naked, on his knees, just fucking the shit out of this chick with his fingers. I was aggravated so I left and wound up back at the pool from dream 1. I converted to the squid, but couldn't find the entrance and was suffocating because the water was so shallow. I eventually found the entrance, but woke up as I started swimming.

There were a lot more details to that dream, but I want to sort them out before putting them down.

desertdreaming @ 2002-01-29T13:36:00

2002-01-29T20:34:38Z

My dreams last night were amusing. I slept hard last night. Didn't even move. I had a fun dream and worked out a lot of anger inside last night.

It started off with Trisha and I living in a dorm room. I came back and Nick, Kevin, and like 5 other people were in a room about the size of my back bedroom/office. They had cleaned, but I was still pissed there were so many people there. So I left. Went and saw my mom and she told me that Debbie had called about the job and she talked to her. She said that she talked to her about the whole domination/submission thing and how I am assertive but I like to wear collars. Debbie told her that was fine that I was quite up to an administrative maturity yet and so I wouldn't be getting the job. I was pissed. Livid actually. So I went to see my dad. He pissed me off even more but I don't remember how, so I went back to the dorm, ran up the stairs and burst into the room and screamed. Everyone was still there. Nick was leaving and asked me if something was his. A bottle of hair spray I think. I told him know that it was mine, but he took it anyway, so I grabbed another bottle, the one that was his and ran after him. I was yelling at him "Don't you run away from me you little fucker" and I chased him down, then sprayed him in the face with this nasty aerosol hair spray. Then I turned and walked away.

I find it highly amusing that even though he's no longer here, he's still my punching bag. *giggle*

So then we move on to the second dream. I was in Disneyland. There were all kinds of people there I knew. James, Scott, Karla, Brian, Locke, Plaid, Nettie, my parents, Nancy, and various others too numerous to name. What really got me was that Tessa was there. I loved going to Disneyland with her. We walking around with a four year old in a pink lacy dress. She looked like I did when I was four. The fact that we were in Disneyland lends me to believe that perhaps I am trying to get in touch with my inner child? Anyway we were wondering through the park and it was about to close, so they were having a parade to lead everyone out of the park. Mickey was riding on a horse, but he was cloaked and hidden and seemed evil. It was strange. It was as if he was hiding his true self from the crowds and being shunned because he was evil. Have to examine that more closely later. Anyway, we finally got down Main Street and there was a new ride, a couple of them actually, that keep reappearing in various dreams. But I dragged the little girl and Nancy into the ride and the Cast member told us to go on in, so we walked all the way through the maze of ropes and hallways, expecting to get on the ride, but we ended up walking all the way through the halls back to the beginning. I was angry. And started yelling at the Cast member. He told us the park was closing and we couldn't go on the ride after all. So I picked up the little girl and we went to the main entrance on the right side. There was a pond there and when we met up with my parents, my dad was playing with a dead goldfish, or rather it's head. But by this point, I was the little girl again. I started laughing because my dad couldn't get this goldfish head off his finger.

At that point the phone rang and woke me up, but I'm feeling much better today. I think talking last night and then releasing so much anger in my dreams really helped. I'm nervous about whether or not I'll get this promotion, but either way it'll be ok. The dream confirmed my worst fears. So maybe it'll pan out ok and I'll get it. *shrug*

desertdreaming @ 2002-01-23T13:49:00

2002-01-23T20:47:36Z

Between my dreams last night and my horoscope for today I don't know what to think. Last night all night I had dreams that I was being told to kill myself. There was a woman in a grove that was telling me to do this. I walked out of the grove an into a desert. I had a butcher knife and a gun with me. I walked across the dunes in the desert and was met by James. He took my arm and told me not to do it. I told him that I had to. She commanded it. It was my purpose. That I wasn't afraid. I had to do this. And begged him to please let me go and not be angry or hut that this was the course I had to take. I pulled away, walked about 15 steps from him, turned my back, and slit my wrists, and then my throat. It wasn't a slow death, but one that gripped me immediately.

And my horoscope today . . . .

Some traumas, phobias or hangups from the past, which have been
limiting you in some way, may suddenly come to the surface today, Jenna.
You might get the most insight by analyzing your dreams. The release may
be so profound that you may have to spend some time alone today, perhaps
away from the house, in order to fully grasp it all. At the end of the
day you should feel elated, because you'll now see your way towards
getting past some of your obstacles.

So I don't know what to think. I just know I'm getin greally tired of having nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep. Dying on a nightly basis is getting old.

desertdreaming @ 2002-01-07T21:29:00

2002-01-08T04:25:15Z

I had the craziest fucking dream this morning. I meditated before I went to sleep, so I'm wondering exactly what the symbolism is in here, or what my subconcious was trying to tell me.

Anyway, the dream starts off wandering through this building. The building is one that I've been in before. It's on Country Club and is an abandoned school or church, still haven't decided which, but there is a bathroom at one end of a dead end hallway. I was going through this building with a couple for friends, Steve and James. There was a female presence as well, but it was enigmatic at best. We wandered down to the bathroom, and entered it. The lights were flickering it, and there were broken tiles littering the floor. There was a sling suspended from the ceiling it. In it was a 500 lb corpse. It was a man that was bloated with rot. He's been sitting in his sling for quite some time. I screamed and fled the bathroom. I ended up going outside and waiting for Steve and James. We then left the building.

We climbed a rise. It was covered in dirt and gated at the top. It was the top of a stadium. Steve, my father, who looked like Gandalf, and myself, went under the chain barring the top of the rise. We went through a gate about 50 feet further down, passing an empty guard station. There was a football game going on. Dad went to go find a seat. Steve disappeared to go talk to a friend. I on the other hand went to the very top of the stadium. There were camera's along a long white platform, but they looked more like the telescopes at Lowell. Old, heavy and brass and they were huge. I knew I wasn't supposed to be there, so i dove beneath all the "cameras" and slid to the end of the platform. I wanted to watch the marching band, which was playing the National Anthem. The thing was I wanted to see the formations on the field, but the platform was at such an position, that only could only see the last 30 yards of the field. I made eye contact with one of the saxophone players though and it was a friend from music camp I've known since I was 13, Monica. She stopped playing and told me she couldn't talk just then, but she'd call me. So the national anthem ends, and the Ohio state song starts playing. But the thing is, I don't know if Ohio has a state song or if it is as lame as the one my mind made up.

Anyway, the band stopped playing and left the field, then the stadium was empty. There was no one there, but my dad, waiting at the gate and Steve leaning against the chain. There was a breeze and it was extremely eerie. 500,000 screaming fans gone. So I ducked back under the chain and we were starting to leave when this car pulls up. It was a 1979 silver LTD. Inside were all my cousins that I can't stand, so about 15 people, squished in this car, my grandmother stuck in the middle of them. I pulled her out of the car and one of the children, who I actually like. Then all the kids poured out of the car and the little ones started running around, Natasha bossing them all. She pushed the smallest one down in the dirt and she was covered in mud. I picked the child up. I didn't know who she was, just that she was family. Once in my arms, she turned into a small mammal. Kind of like a ferret, kind of like an otter, and a lot like Thumper from Bambi.

My Nana told me I had to go bathe the creature. So off I went back into the abandoned school. I went to the shower and pushed the body aside feeling a little disgusted at having to touch the corpse. I entered the shower fully clothed, but clutching the terrified creature to my chest. I turned on the water and the as the mud washed off, a pure white creature emerged. The animal started convulsing in sobs and then retching. It was so scared. It looked up at me and said, "Do you know why he's here?" I said no. She said, "He's dead because they pulled him out. He's alive because they put him back."

It took a moment for those words to sink in. He's alive because they put him back. I turned around and he was staring at me with a hideous grin on his face. I was terrified and fled the bathroom, forcing myself to wake up as I did. The body was that of a man I knew in Flagstaff. He was a roommate of my aunt's when she lived in Phoenix. He terrified me as a child because I was never comfortable around him. He played Darth Vader for the Newberry's store after Empire Strikes Back came out. He knew my name. Darth Vader knew my name. That scared the shit out of me and I started screaming because he was coming for me. The man was never 500 lbs, but he was huge and he was at least 6'3". He was later arrested for child molestation and I was never allowed to be around him again. Weird he would be showing up in my dreams now.

desertdreaming @ 2002-01-03T17:38:00

2002-01-04T00:26:52Z

My dreams last night were convaluted to say the least. I know at one point I was back in high school and walking from the band room, down the art wing, towards the office. The walls were black with mold and there was water dripping from broken pipes. The hallways were littered with trash and the place smelled rank. The students were young. Like 12-15 years old. The gang presence was startling. I reemmber stumbling my way towards the office thinking that I was so sad that there was so much hatred in this school. Everyone was so cruel to each other. It made me so incredibly sad and angry. It hurt me to see the violence between the students. Kids throwing each other into walls. I wanted to gag at the site of the mold covering one child as he sat, rotting, and forgotten, dead against the wall, a knife jutting from his stomach.

When I finally made it into the office, the administrators were there. My old high school vice principal, my counselor, and oddly enough, my psychologist. I walked into the office, tears streaming down my face and they asked me what they could help me with. I started crying harder and told them I wanted to die and I needed some help. My psychologist was there, but I didn't know it until my Mr. Chadwick took me to her. I collapsed into her arms and just sobbed. Then we started talking. Just chit chat. Nothing profound. I don't think we even discussed what was going through my mind.

I woke up crying, but feeling better. I need to get back into counselling and get some help. Suicidal thoughts are not a good thing. *sigh*

desertdreaming @ 2001-12-29T13:50:00

2001-12-29T20:45:51Z

Aack weird fucking dreams last night. I don't remember much, but I do remember going to Disneyland and riding rollercoasters and being so happy when I woke up because my neck was able to handle them, then I realized it was just a dream. Sad. The rollercoasters were intense. Nothing that Disneyland would actually have. More of terrorland really. I also remember battling people on horseback and a fight with a demon in the end. He was little and winged, but powerful. He kept suspending me in the air and flipping me over and throwing me against these spikes. My arms were bleeding when I woke up, but I think that is from the cutting yesterday *sigh* The demon fight was interesting. I'm not sure where it morphed from the horseback fights with humans, to the battle with a 8 inch tall demon, but I was getting so frustrated because everytime I tried to step on him and squash him, he'd fling me off in another direction. I woke up with that dream unresolved. Roommates. Blech.

desertdreaming @ 2001-11-29T13:02:00

2001-11-29T20:01:11Z

I was driving down U.S. 60 on the way to work. It was raining out. One of those awesome summer storms with lightning as can only be seen on the desert. The roadwayhad collapsed under the torrent of rain and there were mudslides everywhere. I was westbound and suddenly the East bound lanes were on the Westbound road. There was no more westbound road. 4 lanes of oncoming traffic out of nowhere. I was slipping past cars, fitting neatly between them, when my SUV spun out. I was slipping and sliding all over the place, trying to get control. I finally came to rest under an overpass, the driver's side gently coming to rest against the cement support. A man in a truck got out and was directing me which way to turn the wheel to get out of position I was in and back with the flow of traffic. The wheels were spinning out and I was still sliding all over the place, but I did finally get turned around.

I finally got home and it was sunny and bright out. I was covered in mud. The house wasn't one I had seen before. It was facing west and looked more like the burnt out house on Country Club than anything. Two storeys, the front gated off with wrought iron fencing, a room in the front with a collapsed bookcase and magazines strewn about. But it was freshly painted and bright inside. Still there was a darkness lurking underneath the shiny exterior.

I went into my room and put on some fresh clothes, but nothing I tried on fit. I finally settled on a pair of overalls that were about 8 inches too short and wouldn't fasten right. I call work and told them I would be late coming in. The freeway was closed and there weren't any alternatives. They said ok no problem.

When I finally did get to work, they were wanting to reformat the hard drives, but couldn't figure out how to do it without losing everything. I suggested they invest in an external cdr and just write everyone's hard drives to disk. All the data would be there and could be reloaded. They liked that idea.

I walked through the call center, which was about 1/4 the size it normally is and into a back room. Both rooms had the lights off, but there were a few people there. In the back room, the vp was shredding papers like mad. Gloria came in and started bitching at me, but I wasn't paying attention. Someone else asked me to help them with their calculus. I remember I was in their class, but I was failing because I never went to class, but I knew the answers to their questions.

I don't remember much after that. *shrug*

desertdreaming @ 2001-11-24T15:17:00

2001-11-24T22:18:48Z

Agression is fun. I had a kick ass dream last night. I had come home from Flagstaff and walked into the house, nothing seemed too different until I walked into my bedroom. While I was gone, my roommates had decided to use my bedroom for storage. They had all kinds of boxes and their bikes piled up in my room. So I removed them. I took everything outside and threw it away. Then I came back in and started organizing my room again. I had to get ready for work so I went to my closet to get something to change into. Only to my surprise, it was a 6 foot long walk in closet with two racks on either side, empty of my clothing and containing a few of Trisha's shirts. I was fucking livid. I stormed out the roommate and grabbed Trisha. "Where the fuck are my clothes?!?" I demanded. "Oh Nick sold them," she replied flippantly. "MOTHERFUCKER!!" I screamed and went to his room to find him. He wasn't there, but his best friend Kevin was. I pinned him down on the bed, my knee in his chest and demanded to know why Nick had sold my clothes. Kevin didn't know. I asked him if he helped and he said yes. I asked him why, when he knew they didn't belong to Nick and that they were mine. I remember crying because I was so angry and hurt that this seemingly nice kid would stoop so low as to help out Nick with something so foul. He said that he didn't know and I proceeeded to slap him until he passed out. That was fun. Nick came in and wanted to know what I was doing and I launched myself at him. I went of in barrage of profanity and proceeded to punch and slap him until he was cowering. Now usually in my dreams, my punches and slaps are frustratingingly ineffectual. I'm always trying to hurt the target, but never able to. Not so this time. Every slap, every punch, every kick, had full force behind it. He was quivering in a corner and I told him to get out. Not come back. Thta he was no longer living in my house. Then I turned on Trisha and asked her if she helped. She said she did and I went off on her, railing on her for being so fucking inconsiderate after everything I had done for her and Nick. I threw her out as well, kicking her as she left.

I woke up angry at both of them, but satisfied at the same time. They were gone, they no longer were residing in my house and I was done with them. Until I heard Nick banging around in the kitchen and realized that it was all a dream. *sigh*

So my frustrations with them both continue to build and I'm so ready for them to be gone. I've decided to lay down the law tonight. I'm not buying anything else for group use. If they want toothpaste, soap, laundry detergent, anything, they buy it and they are not to use my stuff. The DSL is now off limits as is my computer. I'm paying for it. End of story. Fuck them.

desertdreaming @ 2001-11-03T05:14:00

2001-11-03T12:15:07Z

August 27, 2001

I had the most deliciously erotic dream today. One of those that when you wake up leaves you with the sense that you've just had the best sex for hours on end. I love that feeling. I don't remember too many specifics about it. The main image/feeling that is sticking with me is being on my bed, my hands pinned above my head by an incredibly strong hand gripping my wrists and being used hard, like only a slave could love. *sigh*

I miss it sometimes. I have pondered off and on finding another dom. But it always leaves me feeling the same. Depressed and with my self worth completely destroyed. If I could find a dom that would love me and be as devoted to me as I was to him, and didn't take for granted that I would give my body, mind, and spirit to him in supplication, I'd be in heaven. Alas, I don't think such a creature exists. So I live with my fantasies and desires, enjoying what I have, when I have it.